Movie Review Alphabetical Archive 200 Cigarettes I am SO not part of this movie's target audience! About Schmidt Would you enjoy "About Schmidt"? Take this easy quiz to find out! Angels & Insects To begin with, this is a British movie.... Austin Powers in Goldmember! As an experiment, I reviewed the latest installment in the Austin Powers series without actually having seen the movie! See how well I did.... Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever Video-game addicts on a forced hiatus until the carpal tunnel abates will LOVE this movie, even with the talking scenes.... Bandits I'm not just recommending this movie because it was partly filmed in Oregon and I want it to do well so more movies will be shot there.... Beowulf To fully appreciate the Beowulf legend, one must understand the underlying symbolism of the characters and action. Bongwater As the saying goes, "If you can't say anything nice, be a conservative radio talk-show host".... Bound Last time you were at the video store you were probably thinking "If only there was a thriller where lesbians steal millions from gangsters...." The Bourne Identity I can't do it. I tried to write this review in a manner that would emulate the experience of watching this movie.... Blow This movie really creeped me out. It's essentially "The Rise and Fall George Jung".... The Brotherhood of the Wolf The question most people ask about this movie is "How does this compare to other French kung-fu werewolf movies set in the Period of Enlightenment?" Chicago I don't much care for musicals. There's nothing wrong with them.... Cloverfield This movie is like a bad dream. Cold Mountain In a word: Romance Novel. Collateral Damage The more I think about this movie, the more it feels like a surrealistic morality puppet show.... The Core Science and Hollywood have an uneasy relationship.... The Count of Monte Cristo If the protagonist, Edmond Dantes, read the other column that I write, he would have known the following.... Daredevil A great comic-book hero makes adults secretly relive their mind-reeling, pre-pubescent wish for a life of fantastic, testosterone-driven, hair-raising adventure.... Die Another Day Reviewing a James Bond film is not unlike reviewing the latest sandwich at a fast-food franchise.... Donnie Darko This movie made me feel so very old.... Dying To Get Rich I think most people criticize this movie because they haven't realized it's engineered for viewing while getting increasingly wasted.... Envy It's a bad sign when a comedy features gags about dog poop and a dead horse. Femme Fatale There's nothing like a gorgeous woman being thrown in front of a truck by two thugs to make us think "Brian de Palma erotic thriller"... Final Destination When this movie was first released, the previews gave me an idea for a screenplay.... Finding Nemo In the name of Family Bonding, parents will endure children's movies apparently designed as sadistic punishment for adults.... Formula 51 How many movies this year have teamed angry, kilt-wearing, African-American pharmacologists with diminutive, foul-mouthed, British thugs? I've lost track... Good Advice When I watched this movie, I thought "Damn, what a waste!" Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets If you haven't seen the first one or read any of the books.... Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban I know this is heresy and I may get severely castigated for it by the True Believers, but I've got to say what I think.... Haiku Tunnel If George W. wants a shining historical legacy, rather than being "the guy who mired us in TWO Middle-Eastern countries," all he has to do is.... Heavenly Creatures The best thing I can say about this film is that I've never seen a better movie about teenage girls growing up in 1950's Australia... Hellboy This movie forces a startling realization: Paleolithic cephalopods had religion. Holes Someone was asking me the other day, "Why don't you review movies you like?" Hypercube: Cube 2 The 1997 movie "Cube" is a low-budget thriller that's hard to define.... Identity It's not often that I say this, but I didn't expect what happened in this movie.... Igby Goes Down If you really liked Harold & Maude, but found it way too upbeat, you'll like this film. Insomnia Have you ever suffered from sleep deprivation? The Island Have you ever looked at old photos of people with big top hats and muttonchop whiskers and said "Wow, people in olden times were really stupid!"? Kill Bill Vol. 1 The violence in "Kill Bill," like virtually everything else about Quentin Tarantino, is over-hyped.... Knockaround Guys I have a sense that the writer/directors of this movie didn't go to film school.... Kung Pow: Enter the Fist I rented this to validate my suspicions that it was a sophomoric and pathetic excuse for a comedy.... Little City It's no secret that people watch movies so they will know how to deal with difficult decisions in their own lives.... LOTR:TTT "Should I go see Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers?" Decision Tool in Two Questions.... Lucky Break Theater, like medicine and philosophy, is best left to the professionals.... Matrix Reloaded This is the year for sequels and trilogies! As usual, the first question is, have you seen the first one in the series? Mean Girls Maybe you're thinking, "High school was a barren hellhole of adolescent awkwardness and ennui, why would I want to go back?" Money Kings It's probably good to create cinematic warnings against substance abuse, poverty, and organized crime.... Mr. & Mrs. Smith Who doesn't love a summer spy movie with pretty people, assassinations, gunfights, explosions, car chases, daring escapes and couples therapy! Mulholland Drive The reader begins reading the movie review, unaware of the lurking danger approaching.... My Big Fat Greek Wedding I wish I had an ethnic background. And I mean that in a Politically-Correct and Respectful-of-Diversity way... The Ninth Gate I'm surprised that there aren't more movies made about the exciting world of rare-book collecting.... Observe and Report I found this movie so unappealing that I can't properly review it. Once Upon A Time In Mexico The most disturbing thing about this film was the woman sitting behind me in the theater who brought her daughter.... Panic Room Okay, wake up in the middle of the night and get chased into a bunker by three strangers.... The Pledge Imagine attending a pleasant dinner party where you're enjoying the food and conversation until dessert is served.... Slap Her, She's French I did laugh during this movie. In those stretches when I wasn't laughing, several things occurred to me... Reign of Fire When you see scenes of movie characters creeping through murky spaceship corridors, do you yell at the screen "WHY is it dark and hazy inside a spaceship?" If so, you may struggle with Reign of Fire.... The Rich Man's Wife It must be terribly hard to write a masterful thriller.... Route 9 People who claim there is no morality in Hollywood haven't seen this movie... The Rules Of Attraction I am sorely vexed by the trend of movie protagonists being just obnoxious, amoral... Series 7: The Contenders Okay, imagine a TV show where six randomly-chosen people in a small town are supposed to hunt each other down, killing until only one is left.... Shrek 2 This movie picks up right where "Shrek" left off, kind of like Quentin Tarantino's "Kill Bill, Volume 2", but that's about the only similarity between the two.... Signs Experiencing traumatic events, such as prolonged illness, psychological stress, physical injury, or death of a loved one, crosses all boundaries of human division.... South of Heaven, West of Hell For safety reasons, viewing of this movie should be limited people in the following categories.... Spy Kids 2: Island of Lost Dreams It's like a carnival at dusk; the swirling lights and raucous noise are mesmerizing for the first few minutes, then they're increasingly grating and you realize you've stepped in something nasty... Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith With all the talk about these movies, it's been hard to find something unique to say, but I think I've figured it out... Stealth I believe we're seeing a miracle of modern Artificial Intelligence, as I suspect this film was created entirely by a computer! The Tremors Cycle Three humorous horror movies for a video weekend. The Triplets of Belleville I'm stunned that people aren't talking about the most amazing thing about this movie: Symbolism.... The Truth About Harry To simulate the experience of watching this movie, have someone hold your computer screen and gently but constantly jiggle it while you read for ninety minutes... The Tuxedo This movie is a double tease. There's only one thing we want from Jackie Chan.... Underworld For those who may have been confused by the previews, the vampires aren't battling "lichens," which are symbiotic growths of algae and fungus often found on rocks, they're "Lycans," short for "lycanthropes".... Van Helsing If a scientist performed illegal human-gene-splicing of James Bond and Dr. Eldritch, he'd get Van Helsing.... Vanilla Sky Normally I deplore reviews that reveal key story elements, but I will make the exception in this case.... Virtuosity The only reason I'm glad I saw this movie was because it helped me with one of my collections.... Waking Up In Reno If your lifelong dream is to see Natasha Richardson get dressed up real purty and talk Southern, this is your movie! Wet Hot American Summer I've been reading Bill Bryson's "A Short History of Nearly Everything".... The Whole Nine Yards To be honest, I was expecting to hate this movie.... What the #$*! Dq vS (k)pow!? This movie probes serious, deep questions about how merely observing Reality can change Reality.... XXX If I could go back in time, I would tell myself to watch this movie in the company of witty friends so we could mute the TV and make up our own storyline and dialog.... X2: X-Men United Have you ever watched a movie and a few hours (or in extreme cases, a few minutes) later, you can't remember anything about it? Zoolander Who doesn't love laughing at stupid people?