Excerpt from "Greek Myths," by Evan M. Nichols ACT ONE Stage Manager enters and crosses to center. STAGE MANAGER Good evening, and thank you for coming today. Before we begin, I have a few announcements that didn't make it into the program. First, in our production of "Greek Myths," tobacco will be used on stage, and there will be several gunshots. Simulated gunshots. There will be mature subject matter, and some imaginative but highly descriptive profanity. And suggestive situations. And nudity. And disparaging remarks about the Belgians. And the first five rows will get wet. And with that said, we are now ready to present to you, our production of "Greek Myths." Thank you. (Chorus enters. Each cast member has a mask, and wears it when speaking as part of the Chorus. When playing a character, they tuck the mask away. The Chorus moves and speaks together as much as possible.) CHORUS In time of legend, gods and monsters roam the Earth. Immortals rule the mortal world, and Man is but a pawn in games beyond his reach. Each lowly peasant or champion Hero is dealt his fate. There is no sway from his appointed path. (Leda enters, to have a solitary picnic by the lake.) CHORUS Such is Fate for Leda, Queen of Sparta, fair wife of Tyndareus. Unhappy Leda! For Zeus, Mightiest of all gods, spies her As she wanders on the shore. Behold, Zeus! (Thunder. Zeus appears.) ZEUS Who is this mortal so fair upon the Earth? Never have I seen such beauty! My heart is filled with godly thoughts, I must make her my own. CHORUS But Zeus, she is the wife of Tyndareus! And you are wed to Hera, the goddess Queen, Daughter of Chronus and Rhea, those who birthed the King of gods. She will see if you seduce the mortal queen. ZEUS These things I know as well as I know my own kin. But still, my mind is set, I will have this woman. I will disguise myself, so Hera shall not see. CHORUS Lo! Zeus has transformed! Now a swan, with mighty wings. See how he swims to Leda, where she feeds the fowl from shore. LEDA What bird is this? No duckling you, a giant swan! Do you forgo the bread I cast upon the water? Indeed, you come onto the shore, so bold! So fair a fowl I have not seen. I would feed thee bread from my own hand. CHORUS Alas! Zeus deceives poor Leda! On his approach, he takes not the offered bread, But spreads his wings and... LEDA Whoa, whoa, whoa! Back off, swan. I don't like where this is going. (Zeus stops, looks around, confused. He raises his 'wings' again.) LEDA Sorry, all you get is bread. (picks up basket.) Leda fed the swan some bread, who then swam off and left her alone. She finished her picnic, and went home to her husband, where she lived happily as queen. CHORUS But Fate decrees that Leda and Zeus... LEDA Sorry. I believe in free will. (The chorus stares, then tries to rally.) CHORUS MEMBER #1 Then Mighty Zeus, um... (Chorus Member #1 looks at others, gestures for them to join in.) CHORUS Then Mighty Zeus... (The chorus members look at Chorus Member #1, who shrugs. They look at Zeus.) ZEUS Sorry, I actually can't make her do it. CHORUS Oh. (pause) So what do we do now? LEDA There's got to be another story we can tell. ZEUS Yeah, something with a great hero. LEDA And a healthier romantic relationship. (Chorus huddles for a moment, then resumes...) CHORUS Attend the tale of Orpheus, musician, (Orpheus steps from the Chorus.) Who woos the fair Eurydice. A tale of love! (Eurydice steps to the other side. Leda and Zeus rejoin the chorus.) ORPHEUS This sounds better. EURYDICE And this ends happily? CHORUS Happy Eurydice! Joyful Orpheus! These lovers a married couple do become! ORPHEUS And we live happily ever after? CHORUS Well, no. EURYDICE Why, what happens? CHORUS Such cruel fate, Eurydice by a viper bitten. Lost to the Underworld in death. Unhappy Orpheus! He mourns his bride… ORPHEUS Could we just have the short version? CHORUS He goes to the Underworld, and plays such sweet music, that he is allowed to lead Eurydice back from the depths, IF... he doesn't look back. ORPHEUS Let me guess. I look back. (The Chorus nods.) EURYDICE Oh great? Do you have any stories that end well? CHORUS Such is the struggle between mortals and their gods... EURYDICE All right, that's enough. Once upon a time, there was a woman named Clio. She worked for a wealthy merchant, who fell upon hard times, and Clio lost her job.... (To read how Clio triumphs against a fiendish poisoned-cookie plot and wins over the reluctant Chorus, email me Greek Myths is excellent for performances and workshops by teen and young adult players. Cast size is flexible; nine or more is recommended. Running time is approximately 25 minutes.)