Evan's Eyes

Slap Her, She's French

I did laugh during this movie. In those stretches when I wasn't laughing, several things occurred to me:

Kids destined to become screen writers don't date much in high school. They yearn to hang with the popular crowd, but end up editing the school paper or yearbook. Shunned during those formative years, they eventually write scripts where beautiful, popular cheerleaders realize that they don't want that boorish football-team captain, and true happiness is found with an awkward, bookish, writer type. Despite the plethora of movies that rehash this theme, this doesn't actually happen. The popular kids usually marry each other, have a baby or two, realize a deep mutual hatred, divorce and repeat. The writer types can only aspire to being the "best friend" who offers sympathy about the transgressions of the attractive jerks and ex-husbands.

We need new stereotypes for the French. How many times have you heard jokes about removing mattress tags being a crime? It stopped being funny long ago, didn't it? It's the same with the stereotypes about the French. Let's at least come up with some new clichés; all the flavor is gone from the old ones. It's like watching people do the "Who's On First" routine today. The Humor Effectiveness Quotient decreases with each generation that goes by.

Movies need the right title. Unless there's a series planned (e.g. Slap Her, She's French 2: Smite Her, She's Babylonian), this title just doesn't work. Like surgery and assassination, film titles are best left to specialists. The do-it-yourself results are never as good as you hope for. There might be a market for a movie called "Spank Her, She's Swedish," but that's a different genre that only shows at the movie theaters with big "NO MINORS" signs on the door.

So that's what it's like to watch this movie. You get gorgeous beauty queens, humor about the French and high-school flashbacks, all wrapped up in a screenwriter's wistful longings for a different past. It's not a complete waste of time, but unless you can't guess how it will come out, you may find your mind wandering. I know mine did.

If you liked the movies below, you'll probably like this one (and visa versa):

  • Clueless
  • Happy, Texas
  • Drop Dead Gorgeous
  • The Positively True Adventures of the Alleged Texas Cheerleader-Murdering Mom
Overall Rating: 5 (where 1=Worthless, 10=Fabulous)

Eight-Facet Info Rating, rated on a scale of 0 (None) to 4 (Lots!)):

Humor: 2
Nudity: 0
Sexual Reference: 1
Sexual Activity: 0
Action: 1
Gore: 0
Violence: 1
Profanity: 1


© 2002 Evan M. Nichols