Evan's Eyes


Would you enjoy "About Schmidt"? Take this easy quiz to find out! Answer these questions as they apply to you (and be truthful, this isn't graded and it's not like anyone's going to know what your answers are unless you tell them):

1. I was depressed when the Cold War failed to bring us sweet oblivion through nuclear devastation. True False
2. I believe a comedy should actually contain something funny. True False
3. I'm not naive; I know that Life is empty and meaningless. True False
4. We are all special in our own way. True False
5. I'd rather drown myself in raw sewage than watch a movie without Symbolism. True False
6. I know the detailed life history of my ancestors and I strive to honor their memory. True False
7. It's all pretty much hopeless. True False
8. The best legacy one can leave the world is a child. True False
9. We might as well crawl off to die alone in a gutter somewhere. True False
10. I like rainbows, puppies and kittens. True False

Scoring: For odd-numbered questions, give yourself one point for every "True" answer, zero for "False."
For even-numbered questions, one point for every "False" answer, zero for every "True". Add them up, and multiply by 10. The resulting amount is the percent chance that you'll enjoy this movie. If you score 100%, you'll probably want to buy the DVD and put this film on an endless loop while you sink into a morass of despair at the Pointlessness of Being.

I guess there are a couple other considerations:
Would you like to see Jack Nicholson do a role that isn't a manic "Hey, I'm Jack Nicholson!" performance?
Do you feel cinematic nudity shouldn't be limited to people under thirty with single-digit body-fat percentages?
Do you love British films, but feel they're too fast-paced and upbeat?
If so, add a few points to your score.

Don't get the impression that this is a film without merit. It's fabulously well made. The director's concept permeates every gorgeously-composed image, as if each moment is a fractal piece that contains the whole. Unfortunately the final message is that your time spent watching this film is itself a microcosm of your own life: Two hours that you're never, ever going to get back. And for what?

If you liked the movies below, you may like this one (and visa versa):

  • The Pledge
  • Leaving Las Vegas
  • Less Than Zero
  • Igby Goes Down
Overall Rating: 4 (where 1=Worthless, 10=Fabulous)

Eight-Facet Info Rating, rated on a scale of 0 (None) to 4 (Lots!)):

Humor: 1
Nudity: 1
Sexual Reference: 1
Sexual Activity: 0
Action: 1
Gore: 0
Violence: 1
Profanity: 1


© 2005 Evan M. Nichols