Evan's Eyes

Final Destination

When this movie was first released, the previews gave me an idea for a screenplay, so I watched this to see if I'd be accused of plagiarism (kind of a no-no in the writing world). Not to boast, but for plot complexity, my story is to Final Destination as tiramisu is to a Twinkie. Unfortunately, mine is not yet written, but Final Destination has been written, sold, filmed, and released upon an unsuspecting world. Sad.

I'm fond of the theory that horror movies are the contemporary equivalent of fairy tales; allegorical warnings against the dangers of the world and of moral failings. The best horror movies are not only scary, but they present a consistently logical universe, where adherence to the rules leads to salvation, and deviance leads to an brutal and untimely demise. This movie universe hangs on the assumption that Death has a Plan, which can be thwarted by normal human beings. This isn't a bad premise, but it gets all wobbly, like a Jell-O(tm) sculpture left out in the sun, and melts into a puddle of just another "Gruesome Deaths of Attractive Teenagers" film. While this makes me hungry, it ends up being just cinematic junk food, which doesn't really satisfy for very long.

For a fun game, watch Final Destination with friends and a large bottle of your beverage of choice. Everybody drinks whenever there's foreshadowing (if you don't want to get too hammered, limit it to "air" related images: airplanes, wind, fans, etc.) Worried that you won't pick up on the foreshadowing? Don't worry. It's as subtle as a five-pound sledge to the forehead. For example, one character has a stained-glass window in her home where the central image is a HUGE knife. Can you guess how she dies? It's that easy. With alcohol softening your cortex at the same rate that the plot melts, you'll be free to appreciate what creativity there is in the brutal fates of the main characters, and you won't mind when things don't make sense.

If you liked the movies below, you'll probably like this one (and visa versa):

  • Scream (1, but even 2 or 3)
  • Scary Movie
  • Urban Legends
Overall Rating: 3 (where 1=Worthless, 10=Fabulous)

Eight-Facet Info Rating, rated on a scale of 0 (None) to 4 (Lots!)):

Humor: 1
Nudity: 0
Sexual Reference: 1
Sexual Activity: 0
Action: 1
Gore: 2
Violence: 2
Profanity: 1


© 2003 Evan M. Nichols